“My Thoughts on Suicide”: Love you Both Mom & Mica

BY: Sharon Massey

Sharon’s Mom

As we have all read the many stages of grief, especially the grief of the loss of a loved friend or family member to suicide the denial is absolutely the first stage, along with anger and anyone who has experienced a family or friend that committed suicide also knows that depression is also a stage of the grief, but what happens next? I ask you this because being a child of a mother who committed suicide I have asked many questions over the years with no answers. I asked myself questions when I had my own children, you see my birthday is September 1, my son’s birthday is August 31. My mother committed suicide October 29, 1986 when I was three years old…. Now let’s fast forward to October 29, 2008 I came home after a day at work to my then 3 year old son that day was difficult because upon seeing my son at three years of age it was like looking through a looking glass. That brings me to my final state of grief, Acceptance!

Acceptance is difficult because about 95 percent of the time I feel like I do accept that she is gone. I feel like she was in pain and pain of staying far outweighed the pain of leaving, but when I say that out loud what does that truly mean? I wasn’t worth staying for??? As a mom myself I know the answer to that is absolutely not, I meant more to her than anyone or anything. So I have learned that acceptance is one day at a time, one memory at a time, knowing that you were loved, and you are loved by the angel you are crying and longing for. In every new memory they watch over you seeing your path and smile because of how much they loved you.

Sharon and her Mom

Suicide hurts everyone Mom’s, Dad’s, Brother’s, Sister’s, and the family we chose our friends.

When I found out Mica had committed suicide I thought, you have got to be kidding me someone so beautiful, so full of life, recently married, her whole life ahead of her. Then I thought due to my mother we had several conversations growing up about how neither she nor I would ever do something so hurtful, as a child she cried along with me over the loss of my mom. But you see suicide doesn’t discriminate it is and will always be a disease that hurts the ones it leaches onto. They don’t see what you or I see all they see is the pain they feel.

I wonder everyday why Mica would end her life when she had the world at her fingertips, I wonder why my Mom would end her life with a toddler in front of her alone, even now I wonder what she thinks, and it’s a vicious circle that plays over and over. Soooo.
That brings me back to acceptance as we grieve we feel like no one understands, we feel inadequate, and insecure like what could I have done, why wasn’t my love enough, we start questioning ourselves but we must remember “ACCEPTANCE” . It has nothing to do with us, they weren’t being selfish, and they were ending their pain. Or at least this is how I see it.

Please consider donating $31 in Honor of what would have been Mica’s 31st Birthday (Dec. 15) to our efforts to raise awareness of Suicide Prevention & Promote Animal Adoptions! http://www.cfmt.org/give/teammica/